Welcome!
Love better through communication
Bret & Karen Hart's Story
Everybody enjoys a great love story, You know, the one that goes man comes riding on his white horse and rescues damsel in distress and man get sexy, hot woman. The problem is, it is not reality. As the couple soon learns each will do or say something that's hurtful and unless there's healing another marriage crashes on the rocks of divorce court leaving the carnage in its wake. If you talk to Bret he will tell you love was never an issue for him and he would die for his wife, he just couldn't live any longer with feeling bad all the time. I (Karen) would never have stopped blaming Bret for all my woes in life if he had not left, God showed me that my continued hurtful actions contributed to the demise of our marriage. How could two people who love each come to this state of affairs? We share how we got there and how we got back out of it as a way to inspire, uplift and encourage others. We hope you gain insight and peace as you go through what we've put together. God Bless!
Click on the video to hear the presentation
Introduction
Everybody loves a great love story. Man comes riding on his white horse and rescues damsel in distress and man get sexy, hot woman. The problem is it is not reality. As the couples soon learn he does and says things that are hurtful and vice versa. And unless there is healing another marriage crashes on the rocks of divorce court leaving the carnage in its wake.
If you talk to Bret he will tell you love was never and issues he would die for his wife, he just couldn’t live any longer with feeling bad all the time. Karen would never have stopped blaming Bret for all her woes in life if he had not left, God showed her that her continued hurtful actions contributed to the demise of their marriage.
How could two people who love each come to this state of affairs?
One of the best reasons and so happens by All Ray one of our speakers stated.” We all leave home with a version of a play book. This is everything we learned how to act and react to situations unfortunately these unlimited versions of family play books is not translated to your spouse. Without learning to communicate your version of play book causes so much pain and heart ache.
Karen and Bret divorce, and remarry and get a happily ever after, but not until both people learn their play book may have worked with the families they came from, but not the couples union. No matter how hopeless your marriage is in or you want it better, please attend Hart to Hart Marriage Summit. We have people in the business of helping marriages not only survive but thrive. Karen and Bret had help from Eldon and Judith Blanford. And later remarried them. They want people to have hope for their marriage or hope for a future marriage.
Eldon & Judith
Eldon and Judith are now retired.
Eldon and Judith are the heroes of marriages. They know what it takes to show you how to heal from sin that destroys marriages. If you could spend an hour hearing their testimony, it can and has given hope to many couples to restore a broken marriage.
This couple’s honesty was directly responsible for healing Bret and Karen Hart’s marriage and then they went on to proceed over the remarriage of Bret and Karen!
God spoke to Eldon to confess his sin to Judith, was a great fear she would reject him, and he would have left.
John 1:9 However, God had been working with Judith about forgiveness. So when he confessed his sins, she was able to forgive him.
He asked God to prepare Judith Heart. Hear the truth and the truth shall set you free. Judith knew their marriage was built on deception and once Eldon confessed his sin our marriage was now built on truth.
Is there a secret sin you have not dealt with? Consider repenting and seek God’s help to heal from the ravages of sin.
Judith shares at a point in their marriage there was a lack of love. She prayed to have God’s unconditional love for Eldon and God taught her how to love him again. If you lack love for your spouse, are you willing to repent, ask for forgiveness for your sin (not your spouse’s sin) and choose to love and honor your spouse?
If you can’t, can you ask the Lord to help your unforgiveness? To start the process of forgiveness you must choose to be doers of the word not just hearers.
Forgiving someone is the first step.
God commands us to forgive. If you need to forgive someone that means you have held that person in unforgiveness. The first step to healing is forgiving. Let go and let God.
Sandee Englund
With God all things are possible. I help ladies with mindset, finding their niche, building out products, launching, and having a system in place. Know your value, Find your passion and Live with purpose.
(The text below is found in your workbook)
How secret are your thoughts? Do you believe by not speaking how you feel on an issue, it will stay hidden?
Sandee reveals our thoughts never stay hidden. They will come out in other ways, for example through body language.
List two ways of communicating that are determinant to a relationship?
1.
2.
Do you use the silent treatment or rage when you are fighting?
How effective are these methods in resolving conflict?
What are your thoughts about your spouse during the day, when you go to bed or wake up? People think thousands of thoughts a day, therefore you cannot always hide what you are thinking as thoughts come out in body language, health, and behaviors.
Sandee shares that not expressing hidden thoughts will produce actions. So, it is better to talk to your spouse than to keep hidden your anger or other emotions.
What is the four-second rule Sandee talks about?
Do you think this would benefit your relationship?
Can you impact the tone of the evening? How?
In conclusion, Sandee encourages couples to not hide feelings from their spouse and to instead choose to share in love what would before be hidden in thought.
Try applying 4-second rule to impact your environment with your spouse.
To learn more about Sandee, be sure to visit her site http://sandeeenglund.com
Christie Miller
Christie Miller shares that after 42 years in a difficult marriage, God worked a transformational miracle as she began to learn skills to communicate love and boundaries which she is delighted to share in this summit. Christie heads up NW Christian Speakers Bureau and is the author of nine books including Marriage on the mend.
Christie starts a foundational basis for her teaching on boundaries in a marriage. Beginning with Genesis 1 and 2 and that there are five things that are God’s hope for our marriage.
- Equality – God created us in His image, neither man nor female is above each other we are equal.
- Dominion – We are to have dominion over creation not for man rules over his spouse.
- Mutuality – eph 5;21 Both equally important
- Unity – to accomplish together
- Intimacy. Many people have problems with emotional intimacy and physical touch
Do you find areas for improvement? If so follow Christie she found additional information to love better through communication.
Christie believed in being nice all the time and never seeing the need for boundaries, which led to a marriage that never changed. She reveals to have a change in a marriage you need boundaries. She provides a plan on the next page called the 5 Dynamics of Gods Love* Road map.
(Please see your workbook for the 5 Dynamics of Gods Love* Road map)
When you are used to being nice and allowing patterns of sin, without boundaries, it will be difficult to speak up and speak up when experiencing hurt. Boundaries are not made to change the other person, but to guard you. It is very important to learn how to communicate boundaries to your spouse.
Why do we need boundaries? Do you see where a boundary would guard your heart?
You can learn more about Christie by visiting her page at https://www.christiemillerflt.com/
Scott LaPierre
Scott La Pierre is a senior pastor, author, and conference speaker. He holds an MA in Biblical Studies from Liberty University. Scott and his wife, Katie, have been married for more than fifteen years. A former schoolteacher and Army officer, Scott currently leads a church in Washington State and supports his family on his pastor’s salary, allowing Katie to stay home with their nine children. Both are passionate advocates of homeschooling.
(Text below is also found in your workbook)
Scott uses the definition of complementarianism and egalitarianism to explain the roles of men and women in the church.
Scott states complementarianism is not about complimenting someone, but more like puzzle pieces fitting together. Complementarianism is men and women being equal but yet submitted to each other. Complementarianism views men and women distinction in communicating. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses.
Egalitarianism view does not see a distinction between men’s and women’s roles in the churches. An example would be men and women can be pastors of a church. Or that men are not to be the spiritual headship of the home.
What is a weakness of a man and what is a weakness of a woman?
Col 3 husband love your wife and be not harsh with her, however, women are not directed by God to not be harsh. But women are not to nag their husband, because one of man’s weaknesses from the fall is stubbornness in man.
Scott shares when a man becomes more stubborn his wife can become a nag and a woman needs to allow her husband to fail.
1 Peter 3: As Sarah obeyed Abraham although her husband made bad decisions, told her to lie, she still submitted to her husband because she trusted God.
Summarizing Scott’s information: How you believe about Complementarianism and Egalitarianism will affect what you believe is the roles of men and women in the church.
What do you believe and how does this affect your communication with your spouse?
To learn more about Scott, be sure to visit www.scottlapierre.org
Deb Kalmbach
Deb Kalmbach is an author, speaker, and life coach who considers herself an “expert” in not-so-perfect marriages. She’s the first to admit that she’s learned a lot the hard way! Real hope for real life is what she strives to communicate to her readers. She also finds offering hope through coaching can make all the difference in the lives of women who are struggling in life and marriage. Deb and her husband Randy recently celebrated 51 years of marriage (a miracle!).
The Art of Apology
Deb is an amazing encourager, she has been through the fire of addiction and knows how hard it is to love and still communicate while in there. She speaks on learning the skill to apologize to your spouse although you believe you are right.
Deb shares that she watched the movie Love Story and in it someone said “love is never to say you’re sorry”. She shares she learned she had to say sorry a lot, finding the statement to be false.
There is a difference between saying I’m sorry and an apology, what do you think is the difference?
What is the four A’s of a good apology?
1. Admission – “I was wrong.” (Admitting I was wrong)
2. Affirmation – “I understand that you feel angry and hurt.” (You hear what your spouse is saying)
3. Apologize – “I’m sorry I did that. I am going to try not to make that mistake again.” (Apologize from a position of humility and then avoid doing the same type of offense)
4. Ask for Forgiveness – “Please forgive me!” (A sincere appeal for your wrong.)
These steps may be difficult to do, but we have to use Jesus as an example. He was not a doormat and was humble before his Father.
If you are more right than your spouse, do you still need to implement the 4 A’s? If yes? Why?
What does Deb advise about keeping score?
Do you believe your attitude affects your marriage? If so how?
Deb has given steps to follow when you need to apologize, it may be difficult to do, but worth the effort in helping with communicating love to your spouse.
To learn more about Deb, be sure to visit her at https://debkalmbach.com/
Dee Tozer
Dee is a marriage repair specialist for couples in crisis after an affair has been discovered. Devastated couples require the most experienced and competent couple psychologist/coach who absolutely knows how to help them rekindle their embers doused with tears and sorrow. She is a master at repairing marriages after infidelity, cheating, betrayal in one form or another.
Dee shares that most of her practice is on infidelity. She has found a partner becomes vulnerable to infidelity when communication breaks down.
Dee teaches couples to learn to respond instead of being reactive. What do you think is the difference between responding versus being reactive?
She is all about showing couples what and how they say things impact their ability to communicate. She teaches using our words in kindness and using the technique of asking questions when there is conflict.
Dee has a video called five fast shifts that transform any relationships
1. Focus on the current situation
2. Presence, to turn down the heat
3. Doing the right thing instead of being right (where you both loose)
4. Prioritize, what to focus on at the moment.
5. Be deliberate in your focus (If you are interested in the video please contact Dee via her website.)
Her last piece of advice is to step back and look at what and how you say things to your spouse. Do you purpose to use kind words in the heat of an argument? In what way can you implement kindness into your behavior in an argument? Dee has given a few ideas to challenge how we communicate with our spouse. To speak with kindness can be the first to try on.
To learn more about Dee, be sure to visit https://www.deetozer.com
Yvonne Morgan
Having witnessed the power of prayer in her own life, Yvonne Morgan shares stories of trusting the Lord and watching Christ in action.
She loves to travel and spending time with her children and grandchildren.
Apart from writing Christian nonfiction, Morgan writes for several magazines and blogs. Her books provide great help to those who are struggling in their journey with Christ.
Marriage – surviving trauma
Three bullet points about your interview:
- Don’t Give Up
- Fight for your marriage
- Communication
To learn more about Yvonne, be sure to visit https://yvonne-morgan.com
Al Ray
Alan and his wife Autumn are founding directors of Marriage Team, a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering couples for winning marriages.
Alan and his wife Autumn have been married since 1970. They are the founding directors of Marriage Team, a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering couples for winning marriages.
Marriage Teams train Christian coaching couples and place pre-marital and married couples with coaches for 6-12 weeks of skill-building and coaching. Alan has a Master’s in Counseling and Human Development. Alan is retired from the Air force and is the full-time Executive director Marriage Team. Autumn has a Bachelors in Social Work. Alan and Autumn are certified Marriage Enrichment Leaders.
They are directors to prepare and enrich skill trainers. They have two grandchildren and live in Washington.
We believe communication is the key to a good marriage. We figured out it was not a blaming problem as much as it was a miscommunication or lack of that was at the heart of marriage problems. Our program helps couples to learn to listen effectively and then move into action.
Al states their coaching program does not allow couples who have an untreated mental illness, physical and emotional abuse, addictions, or depression to participate in the program. An ongoing affair; however, if you seek professional help and are in a good place to apply for the coaching program you are welcome to participate.
How does Al explain our family playbooks and how it impacts our marriages?
Can we be different and not be wrong? Ephesians 5:25-27 King James Version
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
To learn more about Al, be sure to visit www.marriageteam.org